Denial is not Victory.

Sun Tzu once said that if you denied an enemy battle then he could not win. It's a basic concept that if your weak you should avoid battle. But to deny the battle also takes away opportunity for victory. When you rest your enemy can do the same. It's basic tactics to never allow your enemy rest. (Unless to encourage sloth.)
As the pieces move across the board you get a feel for the game. The agressor and the defender become defined; the enemy is not always in front of you. But sometimes true enemy is your own heart. Can you be ruthlesss and retain your humanity? Can you give mercy and sympathy to a deadly enemy?

I lost the use of my left arm last week. I awoke and it was numb, along with my leg. My left eye is blurry and I have a very strong headache.. on my left side.
Even as the ghosts from my past come back to haunt me I can feel my enemy gaining strength again. When I am strong he is weak, when I am weak he is strong. It is not the time for me to pour my soul into this battle, it fast approachs but I must deny it the chance. I deny because I cannot win, and within that denial I cannot lose either.

You cannot kill someone that is a part of you without diminshing what you are. But can you master it? Control it? Compromise with it? Co-exist?
I'm tired of having darkness cloud my soul, it grows because I won't face it.
I have stared into the dark, into the shadow. I have felt the warmth and I have felt the cold. My scars aren't merely body or soul. But deeper still it taints the world surrounding me, the wound widens and deepens as time passses.

My choice is victory, I will not win by defeating evil. I will win by mastering myself... it is a mastery that is lifelong in attaining and more rewarding then anything else this life can offer. I have chased too many snares, fallen into too many pits and will not falter again so easily. I'm waiting for the wind to change, then my blade will be drawn.

Goodnight. I'll write more tomorrow I hope.