Fear, Hope and a year bygone..

2006 was a fantastically shitty year for me. No really. That bad. Maybe the worst in my life.
All pretense stripped away I can look at it from a new perspective. It can't get worse.
People have told me that with the state of the world the way it is they aren't sure they can ever be happy. They resist having children or making plans. Fear of the future motivates them.
Everyone I know has suffered in this last year, some have even died. And they speak more and more of the pain and uncertainty of the future. They live each year exactly as they did the last and repeat each of the mistakes. That is the very ideal of crazy to do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. They lock themselves into a cycle of work and broken relationships.

I do not fear the uncertainty of the future anymore. I know that simple statement sounds full of bluster and unrealistic, and perhaps it is unrealistic but hear me out.
We are afraid because we cannot control the future, the future does not exist yet. I can still change it, the past is the past forever and there is nothing I can do about it. But the future I can master... I can conquer it still.
The world is filled with chaos, death and pain. I will not lie. I have faced insanity and death and they have taught me to have a new and more full understand of sanity and life. Too many good people have resigned themselves to "stay the course" with their lives. Fear once more has won.
Without ever trying to change the world so many have given up completely on it. They lament about the status of their lives and yet do nothing to change. The cycle repeats until by chance or design it is broken. I do not live by fear or guilt or pity. I reject those phantoms without substance. I accept instead hope, determination and respect. Either side can effect change and move the world... but which would you rather have?

I speak of a single life and the status of the world as if they are one thing. Really I think that is true. From a distance mankind is a human entity and the health of that entity would be much greater if everyone cared about those around them. Technology has brought us closer together then ever before; yet it can be used as a weapon, a tool of deception or means to a darker end.
A single life has an incredible effect on the entire world, if raised with love a child can move on to do anything. The world lives or dies by each new generation... and a generation raised in fear will balk at the tasks before us.

I'm leaving this year behind. All the baggage, fear, unhappiness, anger, pain and everything else.
I want to feel hope and I just don't think that I can feel both fear and hope at once. Whatever it takes to change this world I am ready to do it whatever the personal cost; even my life is a cheap price to change the world. I imagine however that I am not the first to think that, I should instead live for my ideal. Live for that hope in our future and in the future of our children.

When this year ends I will raise a class of Sake to my closest friends and toast this year goodbye. I will remember the lessons I have learned, lick the wounds I have suffered and move on. Like the Tao I hold so dearly I must be prepared to change and move on. I have alot of friendships still left to fix and that will be at the top of my agenda before (if) I go to Ohio.
Goodnight everyone. I'll post once more before new years eve a list of reflections and other misc things that didn't fit the tone of this post.